What Should You Keep-Lesley

So lately I have started another handwritten diary to my children, kinda like a reflection of my life, my awareness of lessons I’ve learned that they may or may not glean anything from.
     In last night’s entry I said that there are many things I remember about growing up, every strong moment that my parents gave me to become myself, even the shrug of the shoulders when I made mistakes (though those shrugs came with help out of the hole I created if I needed it) the experiences with adventure and such.
     I said, yes, there are many things that I truly appreciate about my parents and how they supported my whims and ways that let me know it was okay to be me, even in my strangeness, yet, what I wish I could have done the most is capture all the many many many times we laughed.
      I wrote that they were such wits as to inspire that in my sister and I.
I DO…I wish I could have captured those times to look back on and appreciate over and over again. There are special ones in my memory, yet there are plenty more where I really do not know what was said and I see us all cracking up; I cry out, “I want to unlock this fucking converstion….I want to be in this conversation again”.
      My childhood was spectacular, inspiring, motivating, and supportive, it made me jump boundaries when I became older that women were still held under in the 80′s and 90′s(even today) and most of all it made me awe at both of my Father and Mothers’ brilliance and humor.
     My Mom thinks she isn’t as funny as us three….but ironically she is…one of the memories about mom that can truly crack me up every time I think about it is when I am pointing fingers and cussing up a storm in high school…at both of them…and I can see the rage in her building until she blurts out…”DO YOU HAVE TO SWEAR LIKE THE REST OF THE GODDAMN ASSHOLES” ….see what I mean?…the room went silent…we all sat there for a moment contemplating her words and all of a sudden all the teenage/parents’ bullshit was gone….and soon after, we laughed for a long long while.

FORTRAN, formula translator-Lesley

So I am worried about my son going to Costa Rica with his asshole dad

who last year tried to throw him in jail in an airport, brought the cops up to question him

about nothing…they finally asked my boy…is this man bothering you?

 

Now because of some quirk of money the dad, mother fucker, can afford to take him to Costa Rica, and against my own apprehensions I said it will be a good experience……..kinda…..if the boy is arrested in an airport out of the country what do I do?

 

 

 

 

Angle to the left

not knowing what’s next

It’s something I want to say

 

I don’t fucking

Care what day

 

I don’t FUCKING  care

 

Isn’t that what you said

To me over an over again

I do care…

 

In some forbearing way

 

it’s

 

only relative

yeah