People and Things, a mother-daughter Blog

November 19, 2008

Forgive and Forget-Anna

Filed under: Madness — peopleandthings @ 3:03 am

And so there they were, the letters that formed the words to which I never thought I’d hear him say or that I would read. They came as such a shock to me. My chest felt heavy and warm, and I couldn’t breathe. I gave myself a moment of silence. I wasn’t sure what to say. I sat up on the edge of my bed, then blankly walked to the shower and turned it on. I wasn’t sure what to do.

I got into the hot shower. The water boiling my skin, I stood there. Thinking to myself, “I couldn’t be angry, that would be hypocritical.” I was however upset. I know I had also been in the wrong, but it just didn’t sound like something he would do.

The fact that it did happen wasn’t what upset me. The fact that I put myself through hell and back to not loose him brought tears to my eyes.  Although I would do it again, I felt foolish for all those times I cried.

I feel now, I wish I was ignorant to the fact.

Yet it happened and I know.

So I forgive and forget and it shall remain water under the bridge. There is nothing anyone can do now to erase what had been done.

The day started so peaceful and loving. I was in happy spirits and ok with being by myself all day, as long as I could talk to him.

I fear since, I cannot smile and “I love you” makes me cry. I cry for him to be here, to hold me and make me smile. To look into those eyes and be safe within his arms is all I ask. I want to feel secure again, like there’s nothing in the world but us.

I cannot be alone today, I cannot worry my head. I know that things will be ok. I know I’ll completely forget. It may take some time for my mind to unwind. I love you with all my heart. I’m sure as sure can be that you’ll make me happy. There will always be those rough times and I know I can forgive. I believe it when you tell me you love me and that I will never forget.

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